Chapter 5

I quickly sat up when I looked at the caller ID.

M7ammad.

I contemplated answering him, but I knew there would be no use because I wanted to talk to him.

"Aloo?" I answered.

"Hala, shlonich?" He asked.

"Umm zaina. Shfeek?" He usually didn't call. He never calls.

"Malait."

That hurt me more than it should. Honestly, I think that people who only talk to me because they're bored aren't worth my time.

I'd rather someone talk to me because they sincerely want to.

"Oh ok. Madri." I said.

I wanted to hang up out of frustration, but I didn't because I wanted to talk to him; Obviously, more than he wanted to talk to me. But then I was forced to excuse myself and hang up because I heard footsteps outside.

I checkedd bbm to find a message from M7ammad:

A7ibich.

And I replied with: Me too x

Even though I felt like he didn't mean it. I know he didn't mean it- but the problem was, I meant it.

I'm confused. He has me head over heels for him and I can't help it. But he's hurting me, and I really wish he'd stop. M7ammad has changed so much, and I miss the old him. I miss our phone calls that lasted for hours, and our non-stop texting.

But that was long gone, and the overwhelming feeling of nostalgia took over.

I wish I could store all my thoughts in a jar.

I think way too much. And when I do that, it causes me to overthink and over analyze things I don't want to remember.

It gets too much for me and I feel like I can't handle it anymore. So I panic, shut myself down and go to war with myself. A silent battle.

Honestly, I'm just tired of trying. And I'm sick of being tired. I'm sick of feeling like I'm a burden, not just to M7ammad- but a lot of people.

I'm sick of having to over think this little thing, my thoughts are starting to pile up in my head  and it's getting too much for me. I really just want to be happy and think about things that don't send me over the edge. Just this once.

Drowsiness didn't come over me when I expected it to, so I opened up my laptop and started typing.

"It was really hard for me to fall asleep that night. I have so much stuff piled up in my head all day, but I have no time to think about it. When I finally lie in bed at night, it all hits me. All I do is think and think.

And I never get much sleep anymore.

What hurts the most is when you give your all to someone. Through thick and thin, you're there for them. You stick with them no matter what.

Then one day, they just completely give up on you.

They change into a completely different person and what kills you is that they're not the person they were anymore. They used to care. They used to be there for you. But now, they won't even fight for you. The one thing you would've never done... they did with no hesitation."

I logged in to ask.fm to find 17 new questions. I read them, and the thought crossed my mind: How can you people judge me behind a computer screen? How interesting. Because chances are, you know absolutely nothing.

I drifted off to sleep only to wake up 3 hours later for school.

"Dalal!" Reem waved her long tanned arms at the other end of the hallway at school.

I smiled when we approached each other and I gave her a long hug.

Reem was as tall as I was, her legs were miles long. She was skinny, but she had curves. Her hair was as long as mine, it was so jet black you might mistake it for navy blue. Her black eyes complimented her long lashes. When she smiles, all you see is teeth. Shiny, straight, perfect teeth.

Reem looked like exactly like her personality; beautiful.

I fell asleep in class with no intention of giving the teacher my undivided attention for the upcoming test we had. After school, I headed off to my brother's school to pick him up.

I set foot on the gravel and spotted the black Porsche parked a couple spaces away from our car. I waited for about 3 minutes outside the gates and saw Khalid with 7amad next to him.

I ruffled 7amad's hair -a bad habit of mine- and greeted him before I left with Khalid. When I entered the car, I saw a tall guy holding 7amad's hand, which I'm guessing is Bader. Looking at his features precisely, I knew he looked familiar but I couldn't quite put my finger on it.

Then I knew. He entered the black Porsche while 7amad got in and sat in the passenger's seat.